All Un-Australian – The Worst 22 in the AFL 2012

Credit: flickr.com/photos/affers/6845441104/

The criteria for this list of the worst possible footy team of 2012 players were no first year players and a minimum of 10 games played for the year. We mostly stuck with that, but a few special exceptions were made.

Thanks to the dozens and dozens of people who posted on the BigFooty.com All Un-Australian thread.

Without further ado, here is the

2012 All Un-Australian Squad

FB: Alipate Carlilie – Jared Brennan – Aaron Joseph

HB: Paul Bower – James Sellar – Simon Buckley

C: Todd Banfield – Rhys Palmer – Jared Petrenko

HF: Tyrone Vickery – Chris Dawes – Patrick McGinnity

FF: Israel Folau – Justin Koschitzke (c) – Campbell Brown (vc)

FOLL: Matthew Lobbe – Tom Logan – Justin Sherman

I/C: Nathan Djekrrkura – Andrejis Everitt – Ed Curnow

SUB: Addam Maric

Backs:

Alipate Carlilie (PORT) – Conceded a ridiculous amount of goals (second only to Phil Davis from GWS, who gets a slight pass due to his team never not being under fire) and doesn’t impact at all going the other way. If the Power are to improve, he needs to either shape up or ship out.

Jared Brennan (GC) – Who else to have on the last line of defense than the most unaccountable player in the AFL? Once looking like some kind of prodigy, he has slowly degenerated into the lazy, disinterested tall we see today. All the talent in the world with absolutely none of the application – dropped from the Gold Coast team when they were on the brink of a second straight wooden spoon (thankfully for them, it paid off).

Aaron Joseph (CARL) – Started the season okay, was inexplicably was sub a couple of times and only continued to be played out of sheer necessity due to injuries and suspensions at the Carlton camp. Slow, with incredibly poor disposal and weak defensive work – definitely not someone a challenging side like the Blues wants in their backline.

Half-backs:

Paul Bower (CARL) – At age 24, should be starting to come into his own, but refuses to throw his weight around and goes missing whenever the slightest bit of pressure is put on. Again, somebody who was needed due to injuries, but only provided something when the Blues absolutely belted their opponent. Needs a change of scenery and a wake-up call.

James Sellar (MELB) – A high draft pick who was given another chance by Melbourne and went on to completely unreward them. Was played in defense early and gave nothing, then kicked some token goals when shifted into offense as Melbourne improved to close out the season. Should not be given another contract and if he is held, it should be for a ‘break glass in case of emergency’ type role.

Simon Buckley (COLL) – Another player who, at 25, should be hitting his straps, but is constantly let down by some of the most abysmal kicking in the league. How he gets a game in a stellar Collingwood lineup is anyones guess.

Centre:

“Todd Banfield: Plays like hands have soap all over them.” | Credit: flickr.com/photos/roger-the-sheep/

Todd Banfield (BRIS) – Named in the midfield as he played up the ground a bit this season, which was to ill-effect. Once one of the shining lights of Brisbane’s future, was completely eclipsed by the likes of Dayne Zorko and Josh Green and no longer seems necessary in their line-up. His fumbling is legendary – he constantly attacks the ball at full tilt and either spills the pick-up or leaves it behind. Plays like his hands have soap all over them. After 51 goals in his first two seasons he kicked only 6 this year – 4 of them coming in smashings against Melbourne and GWS. Was dropped in round 20 after a string of 5 games where he averaged 6.2 possessions and booted only one goal. His lauded defensive pressure has also totally gone missing.

Rhys Palmer (GWS) – A poorly advised pick-up by the Giants, Palmer hasn’t seemed to improve his awful kicking at all. Can get his hands on it and put pressure on, but constantly delivers hospital passes to team-mates and puts them under enormous pressure negating any of his own. Looks like another Rising Star who won’t live up to the potential at this stage, but at least he’ll have a nice pay packet to retire on. It’s very difficult to see the Giants keeping him on once their young group matures, despite his own young age.

Jared Petrenko (ADEL) – Another small forward who plays up the ground sits on the opposite wing to Banfield. It was hard not to feel devastated for Petrenko after he hurt his shoulder in the semi-final against Fremantle, but to be brutally honest it won’t hurt Adelaide’s chances. Has played 22 of a possible 24 in the team that came second, but has booted only 16 goals and averaged 10.5 disposals. Granted, he has been sub a few times, but he often comes up with atrocious numbers even in that situation – even coming up donuts and bagels, all zeroes on the stats sheet, in Round 4 against the Giants.

Half-forwards:

Tyrone Vickery (RICH) – Played 9 games for the year, but one of the exceptions that had to be included (substitute Tom Williams from the WBD, the worst set shot kick in the competition, if needs be). Looked an absolute star in the making in his 2011 season, booting 36 goals, providing relief in the ruck and even nabbing himself a couple of Brownlow votes. Has gone completely backwards this year and was known more for dropping simple chest marks and being ineffective front of the sticks than anything else. Played most of the first half of the season before leaving the senior line-up and not returning for the rest of the year. Richmond will be hoping this year was just an aberration.

Chris Dawes (COLL) – One that could also have been said to have gone backwards, only he had little to go backwards from. Was serviceable in Collingwood’s 2010 premiership year, but nowadays seems to only get consistent games due to his size rather than any talent. 15 goals in 22 games from a key-forward in a top 4 team is abysmal, no matter how you cut it. Was dropped after an atrocious effort against West Coast in Round 22 (including a now-famous dropped chest mark from a simple short kick), but to his credit fought back a bit in the qualifying final against Hawthorn. To put it plainly, imagine a poor man’s Jarryd Roughead having a terrible season, and that’s Dawes’s 2012 in a nutshell.

Patrick McGinnity (WCE) – Nearly managed to escape All Un-Australian ‘honours’ after a solid two finals games, but still deserves it after being another who consistently gets a game in a very strong side without seeming to contribute much. Is, hypothetically, a defensive forward, but has atrocious disposal and doesn’t contribute nearly enough on the scoreboard (0.5 goals a game in 2012 on average). Understandable that he was in the West Coast side when they were cursed with injuries, but as good players started coming back and others pushed for selection, he remained, contributing little.

Forwards:

Israel Folau (GWS) – Although it almost feels completely too easy to pick on a cross-code player on big bucks after a dismal debut season, it can’t be argued that he doesn’t deserve a place in the team. Despite the other NRL convert, Karmichael Hunt, having a strong second season, most eyes were on Folau and how he’d fair. It wasn’t good. Played 13 games and kicked 2 goals, while averaging 6.2 disposals and 5 hit-outs. Hopefully will improve as Karmichael has, but at the moment if Chris Dawes is a poor man’s Jarryd Roughead, Israel Folau is a poor man’s Chris Dawes.

Justin Koschitzke (c) (STK) – At 29 years of age had one of his worst seasons. Had one good game for the year and the rest ranged from average to absolutely horrible. As his senior team-mates up forward Nick Riewoldt and Stephen Milne prospered, he absolutely floundered. Looked more uncoordinated than he ever has, and that’s saying something. Capped off his season with 1 handball and 1 hit-out against Geelong in round 22 before rightfully being subbed off. Made captain due to seniority and probably being more co-ordinated at talking than football.

Campbell Brown (vc) (GC) – The infamous Hawks faux hard-man turned Suns small forward, Campbell Brown has been at his absolute worst this year. Gives no leadership and continually gets suspended, providing exactly the type of example you don’t want for a young side. Chips in with a couple of goals from time to time, but his disposal count is woeful, pressure is nowhere near enough and seems to merely play to justify his price.

Followers:

Matthew Lobbe (PORT) – The second 9 gamer on the list (substitute Zac Smith, the ruckman with the worst case of sophomore blues ever, if needs be), Lobbe is a truly atrocious stop-gap in a team screaming out for a ruckman. Was good in his first game in the 2012 side against Geelong (32 hit-outs, 9 tackles, 2 goals) before seemingly giving up. Offers nearly nothing around the ground, floats in an out of games at will and is just not what the Power need going forward. They have Jarrad Redden – a far more talented prospect often being overlooked for Lobbe and Brent Renouf, the Hawks premiership ruckman, waiting in the wings when he gets over his injuries. Something has to be done sooner rather than later. When you consider Jonathan Giles is playing very good football at GWS and they delisted the talented Daniel Bass, who is playing well in the SANFL, the ruck situation at Port is a bit of a head-scratcher.

Tom Logan (PORT) – Placed at the ‘in and under’ midfield spot as he does try hard. He really does try his heart out. But he is an awful football player. Terrible disposal, doesn’t apply enough pressure and whatever impact he has on games is not positive. Congratulations for him on managing to get to 100 games after being booted from Brisbane, but I don’t expect there will be many more. Merely a stop-gap at best as the Power players develop.

Justin Sherman (WBD) – The personification of downhill skier. Could be of some use in a team really pushing up the ladder as he offers something as an outside man, but at the Dogs is just an awful football player and a waste of a list spot. Only managed 10 games in a heavily struggling side, kicking 4 goals as a ‘goal kicking midfielder’ and getting under 15 disposals in over half of his games in 2012. Needs to be traded, immediately, while he still has some semblance of value left.

Interchange:

Nathan Djekurra (WBD) – Recently announced his retirement at 23 years old due to family commitments and it might be a blessing in disguise for the Dogs. Played 13 games but offered nothing in every single one of them – even in a couple of the Dogs rare wins he gave only a token goal. Is meant to be a pacy small forward but he is deceivingly slow and doesn’t hit the scoreboard. The Dogs have some fantastic young talent and Djekurra staying around would only have robbed one of them of game-time.

Andrejs Everitt (SYD) – Famously came on as the sub against Geelong and kicked the match-winning goal. Apart from that he, um, well, lets not talk about anything apart from that in his 2012 season. Could be fairly described as ‘pretty useless’ as a key forward and has been taken over by the likes of Mitch Morton, Trent Dennis-Lane and Tommy Walsh in the Swans tall pecking order.

Ed Curnow (CARL) – What position is he meant to be playing? Is he a wing? Tagger? Defensive forward? Back-flank? Is he any of these at all? Only 22, so deserves a chance at the Blues or somewhere else as he has shown glimpses of promise, but desperately needs to lock-down a position and improve as at the moment nothing seems to stick.

Addam Maric: One solid game for the year.

Sub:

Addam Maric (RICH) – A specialist sub, simply because it’s too dangerous for Richmond to play him for a full game. Picked up from Melbourne for a year and now delisted by his second club, Maric was unbelievably bad at some stages this year. Is apparently a forward, but it’s hard to tell as he gets few disposals and only kicked one goal in what is sure to be his last AFL season. Is perhaps a bad omen too, as his one solid game for the year was in the infamous loss to Gold Coast after the siren. Worth a try, but absolutely not worthy and the Tigers did the right thing by getting rid of him.

0 Replies to “All Un-Australian – The Worst 22 in the AFL 2012”

    1. Yeah, I was definitely harsh on Vickery, but mainly because I was personally hoping for him to kick on a lot this season. Injuries or not he still had a crap year, but I’m a big fan and he’ll do well in 2013 I reckon.

      I was also pretty harsh on James Sellar and should probably have found a better CHB inclusion, but he was awful in defense when he played there so that’s why I put him in. He was pretty decent up forward all things considered.

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