Thought of the Week with Jason Akermanis

Alright, so sue me, I stuffed up on my Jimmy Stynes call.

Well, really, I didn’t, but everyone seems to have got their knickers in a knot so I’ve had to wear it again and apologise for saying something that, quite frankly, I know everybody was thinking anyway.

The problem is that the vast majority of people in the world are idiots who haven’t even won a single flag, let alone three. Like me. And a Norm Smith. It is jealousy plain and simple. That’s all.

How many flags did Jimmy Stynes win? None. Needless to say, he didn’t snag a Normie either. Unlike yours truly.

I suppose that’s why he had to start up that Reach Foundation thing, just to get people to listen him bumble along in that weird accent of his. I mean seriously, if people are going to come and live in Australia, they should at least learn to talk English properly like I do and that.

See, I never have any problem getting an audience. You won’t find me scraping the bottom of the barrel and looking for a captive audience of troubled youth, oh no siree Bob, I’ve got my popular and lucrative motivational speaking gigs.

Jimmy Stynes had to go around talking to people for free. For free! Couldn’t even get a single paying customer! I think that tells you something about who the public at large really respect as a footballer doesn’t it?

Did Jimmy Stynes ever sell out Function Room Two at the Currumbin RSL as the keynote speaker for the prestigious Gold Coast Small to Medium Venue Crowd Controller of the Year Awards? No he didn’t!

It is the hypocrisy that gets my goat. Just because Jimmy Stynes was from Iceland and they got hit hard by the tsunami, he’s some sort of saint. But it’s OK to play footy on Easter Sunday. Not any people know this, but I’m a committed Christian and footy on Jesus’ birthday really offends me.

After I left Brisbane – and believe me, they really didn’t want me to go, almost had to fight my way out of the joint but Jason Akermanis does what Jason Akermanis wants to do – to make my very successful move down to a big Melbourne club I decided I’d have a crack at reading the Bible.

I’d really enjoyed the Harry Potter series on audiobook, even if I did have to rewind a few times toward the end when it started getting really complicated, so I thought well, if I’ve heard Harry Potter’s version of what happened, I really should get the other side of the story too.

I tell you what, it’s hard going, but by the end of the Bible, I really saw a lot of myself in a few of the characters. There was that bloke who got swallowed by the whale and then spat up onto the Moon where he built the first ever church and God rewarded him with superhuman strength – that reminded me of when I got drafted.

And I don’t think I have to point out the similarities between the bearded bloke in the New Testament and one yours truly muggins here Jason Akermanis, both miracle workers who only ever thought of others first but ended up crucified by a baying mob of savages.

But no, it’s fine to play footy on MY holy day but I say one thing about Jimmy Stynes and the thought police are down on me like a ton of bricks. What makes it worse is this all comes only a few days after his sister Yumi paid out on that bloke who killed Osama bin Laden.

It is just plain rank hypocrisy. And don’t even get me bloody started on that Anzac Day crap.

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